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i'm sorry i can't be perfect
i'm sorry i can't see the world how you want it to be
i'm sorry i'm not worth it
i'm sorry you think that what i do is wrong
i'm sorry you don't understand
i'm sorry i can't be strong
i'm sorry i'm not sorry at all
i'm sorry i'm someone you hate
i'm sorry for everything i'm sorry for all
i'm sorry i can't apolagize
i'm sorry for saying sorry right now
i'm sorry that when it comes to you i can only surmise
i'm sorry sorry's not what i do well
how many more times can i say i'm sorry?
what am i sorry for?
will you accept my apolagetic theory ?
will you come lay with me on the floor?!
who's known as the invisable injury
at my side each day and night
a constant reminder of my internal fight
she feeds off of panic and misery
threatening me with thoughts of sympathy
oh i do aplogize, you don't know what to call her
she goes by the name "post traumatic stress dissorder"
the only thing capable of controling your mind
filling you with memories and visions unkind
she twists and distorts the things that i see
she some how manages to turn them to horrific memories
you may see a little girl, you may hear her laughter
she see's a broken angel and hears her cries after
an innocent picture, a tedious film
brings with it emotions that alone could kill
emotional numbness fear and dissociation
hello paranioa, sanitys on vacation!
save me from me
save me from you
save me from the things i want to do
save me from my thoughts
save me from my dreams
save me from tearing myself apart at the seams
save me from him
save me from them
save me from forever nearing my end
save me from the pills
save me from the blades
save me from my ills
save me from their words
save me from this debate
but please just save me
save me before it's too late!
i can't say that your gone, i can't let them win
the only thing good in my life was you
without you around what am i to do?
i need you here to mock and annoy me
i need you to tell me how to be free
i don't want you to be gone, i want you here
i just want to hold you, have you near
tell me what i did wrong?, why you were taken away?
tell me why you didn't hear me pleading with you to stay?
the worst thing of all is i'm forgetting your face
i can't remember how you sound, your poise, your grace
without you around i'm back to rejection
are you watching over me? making sure i'm okay?
am i doing it right? or should i just come your way
is there room up there for just one more?
will you answer if i knock on heavens door
the bigger question is will i be allowed in?
i think i'm cursed with this life of sin
i want you to know i love you more than anything in the world
i want you to know i'll always be your little girl
i'm traveling down the dark warped paths that i've lived many years
the people sit and stare, their judgement preconcieved
based on the clothes on my back and the scars on my sleeves
i am the "emo kid" the one who dreams of death
i'm the one they wont look at afraid they'll catch it from my breath
i wonder what they'd think if they looked me in the eye
would they get how it's impossible to live, easier to die
i'm the new "fad" the rot and decay
i'm "what the worlds coming to today"
their judgement and ignorrance serves me no purpose
i need no help from them to know that i'm worthless
and there he is sat quietly in his seat
such a nice gentleman clean, pristine and neat
he gives his seat up, he's what's missing in the world
he's the feind who preys on little girls
from him we could "learn a thing or two"
yeah like how to take you self worht and innocence from you
i jump from my seat just needing to scream
he stands oh so calmly "come on now don't make a scene"
Tell the world of all your woes invite them in to take a look
Young was she little lissy lived a life that was strange in many ways
Said she didn’t have a reason, it wasn’t where her future lay
Her mom was pissed every morning, her father well he’d ran away
Soon enough along come the “people” they came and tore her away
Carted off to a foster home, for all it was better this way
She’d cower at the foot of the bed each night and pray her sins away
All she wanted was her mommy and for life to be all right
She understood mommy was ill she didn’t mean to always fight
She knows that deep down she has to care
She understands why daddy can’t be there
She goes into school and tells fantasised lies about her life
To her friends her world is nothing short of a magical paradise
They need not know what goes on, doors close for a reason
They don’t understand what her uncle does takes away her feelings
She’s hardly ever at school needed too much at home
Someone needs to help mommy even if it does bruise to the bone
You don’t speak out, you don’t say no, u try to keep your “home”
Because when mommy’s on her meds again you don’t know where you’ll be thrown
Really how bad is this life? We know how to cope
Take it on the chin day by day cling on to any glimmer of hope
Move around from place to place different schools each term
Doesn’t matter much any way staying at homes how we learn
She is the perfect housewife dishes, washing, and ironing
Make sure everything’s perfect and keep the drinks coming
She knows the broom oh too well, in sadness it’s become her friend
She talks to it when she’s alone, & when she’s bad it’s at her rear end
She’s never known what it is to play she doesn’t know how to smile
She longs to be innocent and pure if only for a little while
Her place of safety as odd as it seems was in the kennel of the dog
She spent so many nights in there trying to clear the mental fog
She hides her fears behind a broken smile
She knows she’ll get there it just might take a while
She knows things will change one day she’ll break free
Run from it all make it perfect and carefree
But she’s just a talker, she can talk all day
She talks to doers gives them the wings to fly away
She spends too much time saving face
Hating her existence in this human race
She cries take me, take me to the other place, and please take me because I want to see my face and my smile!
In her dreams were walking, in her dreams we are talking holding hand happy together wish dreams could last forever
For that image she would tear down the sky……………
- Mood:
curious
my skin reeks of your flesh
my mouth tastes of your lies
because of you i'm a mess
because of you i'm someone i despise
my eyes are dead with your sin
my hands still feel your touch
the guilt and shame are lodged within
these feelings are unbearable it's just too much
you're the dirt behind my smile
the silence behind my scream
because of you life isn't worth while
because of you i have no dream
you're the darkness rooted deep in my soul
you're the emptiness in my breath
you're the brink of my self control
you're my final kiss of death
you're the sickness that seeps from my viens
you're the razor i hide away
you're my scars that stink of shame
you're my never ending need to pray!
my mouth tastes of your lies
because of you i'm a mess
because of you i'm someone i despise
my eyes are dead with your sin
my hands still feel your touch
the guilt and shame are lodged within
these feelings are unbearable it's just too much
you're the dirt behind my smile
the silence behind my scream
because of you life isn't worth while
because of you i have no dream
you're the darkness rooted deep in my soul
you're the emptiness in my breath
you're the brink of my self control
you're my final kiss of death
you're the sickness that seeps from my viens
you're the razor i hide away
you're my scars that stink of shame
you're my never ending need to pray!
- Mood:creative
it's cold dark and dingy, dripping in history
it's a place noone goes, nobody's allowed in
it holds hurt and dirt and unspeakable sin
it's somewhere free of words, emotions are void
where to have you silenced and scared he is overjoyed
where all the pain and turmoil you hold deep within
you try to release it best as you can, tearing open your skin
in this land of tears and rain
noones aware of your internal pain
you become accustomed to the neglect and abuse
you don't try to speak out you know there's no use
you can't stop it from happening, there's nothing you can do
your just his play toy he owns, punishes and destroys you
you can rip apart your body, shred away your flesh
but the rot is in your soul deep within your chest
are you going to come along with me? do you want to see what i see?
i can show you rot, fear and decay never ending missery
as much as i want to take you, i know that you can't follow
i know i must go alone through my dark land of sorrow!
- Mood:
crushed
she sits curled in the corner of the room
her tarnished mind swirling in all her doom
her skin crawls from the filth of his sin
the dirt and the guilt she holds within
she tries to release it, the blade kisses her wrist
as she watches the blood flow, that moments pure bliss
minutes pass and the blood flow stops
then the emptiness, pain and numbness rots
the images and flashbacks spin round her mind
how in the hell can people be this blind?
she would give anything just not to feel
but then she cuts and cuts to feel real
she scrubs her self raw to be rid of his touch
she hates the blood she wants rid of so much
what must she do to end this internal fight?
someone tell her now before shen ends her life!
her tarnished mind swirling in all her doom
her skin crawls from the filth of his sin
the dirt and the guilt she holds within
she tries to release it, the blade kisses her wrist
as she watches the blood flow, that moments pure bliss
minutes pass and the blood flow stops
then the emptiness, pain and numbness rots
the images and flashbacks spin round her mind
how in the hell can people be this blind?
she would give anything just not to feel
but then she cuts and cuts to feel real
she scrubs her self raw to be rid of his touch
she hates the blood she wants rid of so much
what must she do to end this internal fight?
someone tell her now before shen ends her life!
- Mood: confused
I am a girl who wants to be whole again
I am a girl who dreams of ending her life
I am a girl full of trouble and strife
I am a girl who just needs to be hugged
I am a girl crying out for love
I am a girl who’s screaming for affection
I am a girl so used to rejection
I am a girl who can’t cope with this life
I am a girl clutching tight to this knife
I am a girl who people “feel sorry for”
I am a girl who don’t want this no more
I am a girl whose childhood was taken
I am a girl battered bruised and shaken
I am a girl in a woman’s skin
I am a girl who wants to live again
I am a girl who always asks why?
I am a girl you always see cry
- Mood: confused
You speak in different voices
How do i decipher between the choices
You tell me I’m weak, then make me feel strong
You say what I’m doings right yet leave me feeling wrong
Confused by all the lies I’ve been fed
Not sure which part to shred
There’s no more left of me to mar
The only thing left is to go too far
Will someone please tell me I’m okay?
Were things really planned to be this way?
Do you feel my sorrow?
Do you understand the weight of tomorrow?
I’m not alone there is more to this i know
We all have problems this i understand
but must they keep us crucified to the ground?
I speak in one voice, you hear one sound
I’m here to help you take you off the ground
I’ll help you “cope” to make the right choice
I’ll be beside you I am your voice
Just 1 simple kiss is all that you’ll need
To open your wrists, and let yourself bleed
Wash away all the sin, I’ll help you be “clean”
Block everything else out, I’m all that you need
You are okay, I’m holding you in my hands
It will all be fine I have everything planned
We’ll teach them all, show them what they refused to see
There’s no need to shout, scream or plea
I know of your pain, I feel all your sorrow
And with my help you won’t need to fight tomorrow
Don’t feel alone by me you are found
I’ll help you cry it all out in silent sound
How do i decipher between the choices
You tell me I’m weak, then make me feel strong
You say what I’m doings right yet leave me feeling wrong
Confused by all the lies I’ve been fed
Not sure which part to shred
There’s no more left of me to mar
The only thing left is to go too far
Will someone please tell me I’m okay?
Were things really planned to be this way?
Do you feel my sorrow?
Do you understand the weight of tomorrow?
I’m not alone there is more to this i know
We all have problems this i understand
but must they keep us crucified to the ground?
I speak in one voice, you hear one sound
I’m here to help you take you off the ground
I’ll help you “cope” to make the right choice
I’ll be beside you I am your voice
Just 1 simple kiss is all that you’ll need
To open your wrists, and let yourself bleed
Wash away all the sin, I’ll help you be “clean”
Block everything else out, I’m all that you need
You are okay, I’m holding you in my hands
It will all be fine I have everything planned
We’ll teach them all, show them what they refused to see
There’s no need to shout, scream or plea
I know of your pain, I feel all your sorrow
And with my help you won’t need to fight tomorrow
Don’t feel alone by me you are found
I’ll help you cry it all out in silent sound
- Mood: crappy
i see behind the deep dark lies
i can feel it all, i know the truth
i see the images of your youth
i see deep into your soul
i sense that void, can see the hole!
i can feel the hurt, see the pain
the child fighting to be free again
i want to reach in and hold your hand
i want to tell you i understand
i want to take the fear and hurt away
to promise you that I will stay!
take this child hold her tight in my arms!
holding her close keeping her safe from harm
looking into your eyes fills me with dread
i know the wish and want to be dead
looking in your eyes is crippling with fear
for those eyes are mine, i'm looking in the mirror!
- Mood: crappy
I heard a young girl's painful scream
I watched her eyes fill with dread
I knew she thought she'd be better off dead
I could feel her body trembling with fear
As he was whispering in her ear
"Good little girl do as I say
Good little girl don't push me away
Come now it's our special secret
I know you're brave enough to keep it "
He does his will, takes away her worth
Makes her want to take away her birth
If she wasn't here it would be best for all
If she wasn't here no one would miss her at all
Maybe it's her fault, she was born wrong
Maybe it's not his fault, she's just not strong
Bad things happen to us all sometime
That gives her no right to moan and whine
She must get on, put the hurt in the past
She needs to find a way to get over this fast
With no one to talk to nowhere to turn
She tears open her heart and let's herself burn
With her one final breath she whispers it's him
Her last ragged word, I couldn't bear his sin!
- Mood:
blah
this is the truth of every ****ed up boy or girl
this is for those who wear their diary etched upon their skin
this is for those who feel their bodies are forever doused in sin
this is for those who strive and fight each day for perfection
this is for the perfect body, the perfect soul, to stop the feeling of rejection
this is for those who can't look in the mirror without the feeling of repulsion
this is for those who dream form this world permanant expulsion
this is a tale of honesty but most of all of hope
this is a prayer that it gets easy enough to cope
this is an anthem for courage and a chance to change
this is a realisation that things can't stay the same
this isn't a promise of happy ever after
this is just to let you know, that to me you matter!!
- Mood: blank
